Released sex offender takes life one step at a time

By ANNE JUNGEN La Crosse Tribune
.He’s shy and blushes when you ask him about his fiancee. He works long hours overnight at a factory. He exudes positive energy. And this North Side resident can wail on a guitar.But he’s also a 50-year-old convicted sex offender, found guilty of attempted child enticement.John, who spoke to the Tribune on the condition his real name not be used, was the first person released in La Crosse under the Wisconsin Sex Offender Registration and Community Notification Law in 1998. For the past eight years, John has dealt with the repercussions of his offense and eased his way back into the community — one step at a time.“Sex offenders want it all at once — work, a house, friends, everything, and that’s not going to happen,” he said. “You have to be patient. Offenders won’t get it all back at once — if ever.”While some people will never forgive and accept, John believes La Crosse residents are fair in their treatment of offenders.Still, he fears the community will consider him unredeemable, pigeonhole him and victimize his loved ones.John was convicted of three counts of attempted enticement of children in 1989 and placed on probation. His probation was revoked after he was charged again in February 1993 with attempted enticement for leaving a note in the street inviting the finder to meet him near Myrick Park so he could expose himself, according to Tribune archives.After revoking his probation, former La Crosse County Circuit Judge Peter Pappas sentenced him to seven years in prison. John pleaded guilty to the 1993 charge and Judge Michael Mulroy placed him on probation for five years.He was released from the Wisconsin State Prison System in June 1997 into an apartment on Rose Street operated by ATTIC Correctional Services, where he stayed until he was transferred to the La Crosse County Jail in mid-October 1997 because of rules violations. His parole was revoked in January 1998 and he was sent back to prison. He was released again on Oct. 6, 1998.John lived with his mother in her South Side home after his release. Soon after he arrived, the pair noticed a change in attitude from the usually friendly neighbors.Neighbors even met with their alderman to express concerns about his placement. Some circulated a petition to ask the Wisconsin Department of Corrections to reconsider the placement.He said he has been lucky enough to find jobs, but it hasn’t been easy.“When you have to fill out that question, you know — ‘Have you ever been convicted of a felony? — it’s hard,” John said. “And then you have to explain what it is.”He has lost old friends because they felt betrayed. His closest friends now are his co-workers.John establishes a trusting relationship with new friends before he tells them of the offense. Whether they accept him, he said, depends on how he approaches them.“The whole difference is the attitude,” he said.His positive attitude attracted his fiancee, Mary, 42, also not her real name, at work in 2002. She remembers how shy and nervous he was when he asked her out on their first dinner date.John knew after the date that Mary was girlfriend material. He also knew he had to be honest about his past. “If I think that I’m great now, then why shouldn’t I tell her?” he said.Still, he remembers stalling the revelation on their second date. When he finally told Mary, she accepted the offense and didn’t judge him on his past.But Mary had five kids. Once the parole agent approved of their relationship and his presence around her children, the couple had to be honest with her kids. Mary told her children they didn’t have to love John, but they had to treat him with respect.“There was such mixed reaction,” Mary said. “I told them that they couldn’t judge him for his past — that I didn’t see that in him.”Some of Mary’s children have accepted John, but others refuse to be around him. That hurts, John said.He said offenders must constantly monitor their actions and their emotional state.“When offenders isolate themselves, it can lead to alcohol and drug use and pornography,” John said.He isn’t fond of sex offender location Web sites such as www.mapsexoffenders.com, but he said they come with the territory.“It’s not something to broadcast. The people who need to know, know,” he said.John said his family was supportive so he didn’t succumb to loneliness, and therapy and group sessions have kept him on the right track. Empathy for others, the fact that he doesn’t want to victimize his friends and family, and a desire to change prevent him from re-offending.“It doesn’t fit the standards I’ve set for myself,” he said.He wants other sex offenders to know that treatment can only be successful if they want to change. John encourages offenders to stay busy, follow the rules and to learn empathy for each other as they readjust to society.“Everything is not fine and dandy, and it won’t ever be. Period,” he said. “But you have to stay positive and keep pushing on.”